In February 2009, the company who brings us quality canned "radio" channels like Tropical Breezes (Caribbean Music), Moodscapes (New Age Instrumental) and Cashmere (Adult Contemporary) filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. They were more than $450 million in debt. When I heard about this, I probably thought what just about everyone was thinking: Shoulda sold that shit to Ted Nugent when you had the chance, bitches! 
Actually, my first reaction was "There is a god." Or something like that. Maybe Western Civilization wasn't so doomed after all. If Obama can call Kanye a "jackass" and be totally legit, and Muzak can die a quick death we might be able to turn this thing around.
But it turns out that Muzak actually was doing all right, and has twice as much collateral this month of September as they did in the Spring. With hot shot debt lawyers on their side, they expect to make a full recovery. No!! Back in 1989 Ted Nugent offered to buy the company for $10 million and promised to shut it down. His public bid to do this turned this old American company from Norman Rockwell-esque paltry nothings to everything despicable about the music industry. It was rotten, and it's a big reason why we all fire up the torches when we hear Muzak's name. That and its purposely low standards when it comes to music.
So, it looks like god is again looking the other way, because Muzak ain't going anywhere and Kanye still sells Platinum records. But since He is looking the other way, maybe we should just target the EchoStar VII at 119 degrees west longitude up in orbit. This is the satellite that broadcasts all of Muzak's channels. Taking out a satellite is certainly not good for a bankrupt company.
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2 comments:
You took the time to view our channel line-up to cherry pick the most demure out of 100 options. How about the other 97?
Muzak is a proud, 75 year old American company with an amazing history. Sure, there's the Nugent stuff (when he made that public bid, btw, his OWN SONGS were playing on our channels...) but there's also amazing facts like our encrypting top secret messages between FDR and Churchill during WWII.
It's easy to beat up an old stereotype from a home office in Vancouver. But a few minutes of due diligence will reveal to you a starkly different picture than what you paint here.
Wow. Are you a Muzak lobbyist? I never thought I'd meet one of you (still haven't, I guess). I don't give an uncle wilber about Ted Nugent. He's an asshole. I will admit that my rant was cheeky and mildly juvenile, but that was the point. How many readers do I have? 6? It's not like I'm changing lives here. Just venting.
Muzak might have some nice history, but it's not the history that affects my life today. It's 100 (that's the number you suggest) channels of paltry radio that for the most part is purchased by companies to color the most banal of human of interactions. It's tension easing, spineless music, and it doesn't interest me. I love music with heart and with passion, and Muzak represents none of this for me. My "stereotype" is backed by my disdain for the "need" for shitty music playing when I'm grocery shopping. (There are some killer 80's channels, I admit. Play those hits!)
I just don't have time for radio, anyway. Muzak might make millions feel good and safe, but I'm more of an anarchist on this front. How many times has Muzak been bought by someone else again? Not exactly the same company it was in 1943...
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